“That was a Really Expensive Sack”
Rivoli’s Chill and Grill Sports Bar has provided us with a degenerate weigh station and The Water of Life, a.k.a. Beer, since we were old enough to get in. Like last week, we found ourselves there for another Thursday night thriller on Halloween between Cincinnati and Miami. Fat Matt and DJ Camp are the resident Dolphin die-hards, so they decided to meet me and our friend ‘Chef’ this particular evening.
Chef has been in “The Chat” before, but he can’t stand the drunken barrage of texts, so he’s since removed himself. However, he frequently requests to be added back when it’s convenient for him to bitch about sports issues that jazz him up. It always ends with an abrupt booting until the next Woj Bomb that incites, but this game was more about Chef versus Camp and Fat Matt than it was Bengals versus Dolphins.
Chef and I arrive first, so we take our seats and grab our my beers. He went for his signature rum and cherry coke. The two Dolphin fans enter, Fat Matt is dressed in baggy sweats and an oversized turquoise ‘Fins hoodie. He looks like a real bum so we assumed he went as Ryan Tannehill for Halloween. Chef told them about his Bengals bet, including the fact his entire checking account ($447.93) was on them. Oddly, neither wished him luck.
Now I have no proof, evidence or confessions, but it’s an absolute fact we bet against each other’s teams more often than not for these very scenarios. When watching games together we can celebrate our friends’ pain more than growing our bankrolls. Money, that comes and goes, but an evening filled with screaming, cussing, and banter is priceless.
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Jump ahead to the fourth quarter and Mike Nugent bangs home a 54-yarder to give Cincinnati the lead. Chef talked crap and pounded his chest in victory because there’s obviously no shot Tanne-bum leads Miami for a score with 1:18 to go. Right?
To borrow a line from our good friend Lee Corso; “NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!”
After a sack on first down, Tannehill completes a deep pass to Rishard Matthews, then one to “The Clay Monster” (a Fat Matt nickname), another to Mike Wallace and finally, Brian Hartline gets Miami in field goal range. Caleb Sturgis struts out and nails a 44-yard field goal to send the game to overtime. Chef is less than pleased. Fatt Matt and DJ Camp return banter.
Miami starts with the ball in overtime but goes three-and-out. Chef, for some weird reason is the biggest BenJarvus Green-Ellis fan you’ll ever meet. He loves Ellis getting fed overtime touches, but Cincy is forced to punt, as well.
Tannehill gets another crack and as expected, goes three-and-out once more. The punt pins Cincinnati at their own 8-yard line and on third down…
BENGALS PRE SNAP:
BENGALS POST SNAP:
Whoever bet “YES” on a safety occurring go cash your prop ticket at BetOnline.AG! Miami pulls out a 22-20 win and cover on Cam Wake’s safety in O.T.
Luckily the tab was already paid because ‘Chef’ wasn’t sticking around after the checking account clearing loss. He got in his car, put it in drive … and drove directly into the parking median!? In Chef’s rage he drove forward. His Camaro was no longer touching pavement, it was elevated onto the parking median which is six inches high and six feet wide. There was no way to reverse, or move in any direction.
Anyone that left the bar would stop and give advice; “Try going forward,” “Try reversing,” “Get out and lift it off the median.” All Chef kept saying was; “I even beat the closing number, I laid 1.5 and the damn game closed 3!” Fat Matt and DJ Camp chimed in with advice too; “You probably shouldn’t have done that, or bet the Bengals at any price.”
No one had any idea what to do, so the Camaro was left on the median and I gave ‘Chef’ a ride home. The following morning he asked his ex-girlfriend to pay for a tow truck. Safe to say that was a really expensive sack.
But Rivoli’s in October … priceless.
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Casey Brannigan is a former writer for Football Nation and Sports Editor at Trenton Times Newspaper. More importantly, he’s just like you, a gambling degenerate. You can interact with Casey on Twitter @CJ_TB.
