“Teams that Score First Never Win”
Once in a while it happens, but it’s becoming a rarity. Maybe we’re getting older, lazier, or just maybe … we don’t actually like one another.
But occasionally, the whole chat group is together to a watch a ball game. In the case of October 20th, 2016, two games. It’s game five of the NLCS; Dodgers are hosting the Cubs – and it’s also Thursday night football. Aaron Rodgers and the Packers take on Matt Barkley and the Bears. “LOT OF ACTION” isn’t just a Rounders line from Worm, but it’s The Chat’s mantra.
We’re locals at Rivolis, the sports bar we call home every Sunday, Monday, and Thursday during NFL season. They know our names, they know our drinks, and the .25¢ wings and $1 beers help ease the pain of paying the man.
We fought through spotty service like champs and manged to lock in our first half, full game, and player props for Packers-Bears. I’m sure most degenerates have lost and saved hundreds due to service issues. You’ve seen and done it all; running outside for clearer service pastures, held your phone from any and every angle, sprinted to that one tiny spot in the corner your buddy just had service, or even called someone to place a bet for you that has internet connection and isn’t dealing with real-life technology complications. It’s a sight that must be wonderful to watch from afar; we must confuse the sh*t out of other life forms.
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We settled into our seats, Generic Greg and Jinx are hovering above at a high-top while me, Tough Guy, System Plays, Dj Camp and Fat Matt are sitting in chairs that would allow Verne Troyer’s feet to touch the floor. The first pitch has been thrown and the kickoff is in the air, and so the banter starts…
When Generic Greg and Jinx plopped their fat asses in front of the Cubs-Dodgers TV, we all knew they had a betting interest. Leave it to a guy named Jinx not to tell certain members of ‘The Chat’ who he bet in fear we would cloak him?! The first inning starts and Dexter Fowler gets on base, and a couple batters later Anthony Rizzo drives him in to make it 1-0 Cubs. If you’ve read the first two articles (House of Losers – Episode 1: Meet The Chat Group and House of Losers – Episode 2: Trip to Citi Field), you’ve likely figured out that these two losers have the Dodgers.
Jinx, already inebriated boldly tells us as if he has substantial statistical data; “Teams that score first never win, NEVER! Trust me.”
Well, 90 seconds pass and FOX throws up this deflating graphic:
We howl and laugh like we’re watching The Hangover for the very first time. You can’t make this stuff up, all you can do is appreciate his awful, but oh-so-fitting timing. Jinx himself got a kick out of it, but his smirk quickly faded once he realized what was happening on television #2.
Barkley is out dueling Rodgers. Both him and Fat Matt have the Packers in a survivor pool.
Fast forward to the second half and the Bears lead 10-6 after a Leonard Floyd strip sack touchdown. We all have some investment on the Packers, but most of us stay cool because its early. Hell, most of us doubled down and live bet them at BetOnline.AG, too. Fat Matt however, he’s had enough.
“It’s the Bears! On the road! With Matt Barkley,” he screamed as he chugs his $1 beer at a rapid pace.
The only thing going down quicker than Fat Matt’s beer is his Monday/Thursday DFS team; “The Dream” (not Hakeem Olajuwon, but Kadeem Carey) only netted 6.7 fantasy points. The bigger kick in the nuts? Aaron Rodgers attempts 56 throws, has 3 scores and 326 passing yards and his DFS “lock of the week” finishes with 1 catch for 9 yards (Jordy Nelson).
The guys at FOX need to change that graphic to 10-0 because the Cubs won. Partly because they scored first, partly because members of ‘The Chat’ bet the Dodgers.
The Packers end up winning and covering, 26-10. Jinx isn’t so mad because his survivor pool is more important than his Thursday night bet. Plus, he can win it back Saturday and Sunday.
Generic Greg isn’t too distraught at the loss either, because he would’ve just shipped those funds away playing poker.
CHECK, PLEASE!
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Casey Brannigan is a former writer for Football Nation and Sports Editor at Trenton Times Newspaper. More importantly, he’s just like you, a gambling degenerate. You can interact with Casey on Twitter @CJ_TB.
